No Reservations Needed, This Movie Won’t Fill a House

Catherine Zeta-Jones isn’t American but her sister and niece are. That doesn’t make sense to me, so, what could have been a lovely movie about a practically frigid woman discovering hot sauce in her own austere kitchen, turns out to be a blitz on the very genre it's trying to re-define.

First of all, it's sad. Don't they know the first rule of Romantic Comedies? Keep death to the comedic moments. If someone croaks, they better be wearing a clown suit. Rule number two, every time your main character cries, the story becomes less romantic and more like a drama. And we know the people who like dramas aren't the same ones who like rom-coms. And three, if the romantic interest isn't at odds with your hero (CZJ), what's the point of watching the movie in the first place?

That said, in a summer of food movies, Ratatouille, to name one (there must be others, no?), this sizzle pic is a fallen soufflé.

Yes there are crying scene, yes Abigail Breslin (Little Ms. Sunshine…) is wonderful, CZJ is beautiful and Aaron Eckhart is lovable, but, well, eh.

Please help me comment as I’m at a loss for words about a film whose title has nothing to do with the plot.

No Reservations Can stay booked, for all I care.

It smells like yesterdays fish.

Hairspray Sticks!

It’s a musical and John Travolta dances. What more could you want from a movie?

Not much…

Except Queen Latifah and whole lot of rhythm. There’s not much to critique, except, well… a main character issue. (The following should not take away from the stellar performances by Latifa, Christopher Walken, Michelle Pfeiffer and especially the "Negro Singers." Truly marvelous! A must-see.)

I assume the main character was Tracy Turnblad, but please correct me if I’m wrong. And if you say it’s an ensemble cast, I challenge you to narrow the story down to one central character. The writers must have. For me, I'm guessing, that was Tracy.

While she was an excellent singer and dancer, lovable naïve and strong, I didn’t feel like she had all that much to lose if she didn’t get to be on the show.

She risks life and limb to stand up for what is right (in an amazingly touching scene led by the poignant performance of Latifa), but in the end it doesn’t seem to matter to her parents, the show or her fans if she’s not on Corny Collins show anymore.

The stakes weren’t high enough for Tracy, and therefore, tension was lost in the third act, when the Ms. Hairspray contest turned into an outrageous dance-a-thon rather than a culmination of all that was amazing about the first 80 minutes of the movie.

Talk To Me Speaks Wonders

In the business, they say, “To have a good hero, you’ve got to have a good villain.” And that can’t be more true in the classical sense than in “Talk to Me.”

It’s a story of Petey Greene, played by Don Cheadle, the outrageous talk show host who “cons” his way into a job at an influential D.C. radio station during the Civil Rights Movement.

Once there, Petey proves to be nothing short of a pain in the ass, although when things get rough, the station soon finds out, a man with a voice is better than none at all.

Station executive Dewey Hughes, played by Chiwetel Ejiofor, is all for controversy if it draws listeners, but keeping this short fuse from lighting up is more than he bargained for.

That said, it would seem that Petey Greene is the main character in this film, with Dewey nothing but a speed bump in his road to stardom, but in fact, if you take a closer look, you’ll find that Dewey is the protagonist.

Petey invades Dewey’s turf. Wild and careless, Petey pushes Dewey to change. Petey is, by the end of the movie, the one who has Dewey saying, “Talk to me.”

It goes to show that story structure, when used to create the best story, doesn’t have to be by the book.

This movie uses an antagonist flip to pull off a brilliantly written story strong in character, conflict and concept.

In addition to that, it’s hard enough to keep the hero and the villain in the same scenes with each other for even 25% of the movie, let along half. So, when a feature-length drama pulls off 75%, it’s worth noting -- a feat of facing off. And it’s a movie about talking, one-on-one. Isn’t that beautiful?

Enough said.

Ratatouille Serves Main Course to Adults, Side Dish to Kids

It is, I will say this, without seeing the fall lineup or Labor Day surprises, the most well written film of the year. That said, this animation is for adults, not children.

The poignant quest for lost dreams, a beautiful turnaround by a bitter critic (we all know that person, lingering deep inside, judging everything we do), and a stumbling garbage boy who just wants to run the place, are content geared entirely for adults.

Children don’t need to lament the loss of their dreams. They haven’t had that chance yet. That’s why, when sitting in the theater with a 6 and 9-year-old who were digging in popcorn barrels and slurping on Pepsis, did I realize, it was me who wanted to be inspired by the little rat that could, not them.

They were, well… a little bored. At least until the maniacal chase at the end, where pots and pans and beautiful set pieces of rats overtaking a kitchen went into full play. This was no Shrek with fart jokes and dim-witted humor, but a melancholy tale that everyman, and woman, who wants to succeed but feels the trappings of fear of failure, needs to see.

Ratatouille is like Jean-Pierre Jeunet’s “Amelie,” in animation. You’ll leave feeling heart-struck, wanting to make all the goodness in your life a reality, but remember, when you’re sitting in the theater with restless kids, keep them in their seats, mostly, so you can see the end.

Almighty Funny, But Lacks Honey

This film is nothing but a string of jokes, folks, and all of them, to see how much pain we can inflict on Steve Carell.

I know it’s no biblical replay of the pain and suffering Noah went through to build an arc against all doubt, but once you hint that the world might be flooded, well… we kind of want to see a flood. A giant one. Not just a trickle of water down a valley adjacent to Washington D.C., where countless people are “perfectly fine,” sitting in their cars watching a wave bust down the street that doesn’t kill anymore.

I’m not saying I want death. In fact, I’m probably the only person you’ll meet who didn’t like Titanic because of all the drowning. It is my least favorite way to die. If we have to choose favorites.

That said, the story of Noah is about death. It’s about God killing everyone who hasn’t followed his will, and how the earth is, well, covered in jackasses. (We all know they won’t have to build a set for that. Just go out your front door, you’ll smack into the problem.)

Therefore, the “faith” portion of this story, the one where we learn to be good to our neighbors – have random acts of kindness - arrives when we see how Noah acts in an absence of faith. This happens when Noah, after he builds the arc and the flood comes, doesn’t hear hide nor hair from God for several day. All of a sudden, there is no land – anywhere – and the arc is starting to look like a bad idea, filled with animals and an angry wife.

Noah then must keep peace, send out the birds, look for land himself. God got him into this, but he’ll have to get himself out. The wife, the sons and their wives are antsy, supplies are running low and general malaise is kicking in. This is when our hero, Noah, must save the day with his incredible “faith.”

The birds are sent, and finally, with an olive branch, they return.

Noah turns to the wife and here we find that, believe in one’s potential is the greatest gift anyone, God or man, can give. And that is the meaning of changing the world to do what’s right.